Incredibles 2 Jack Jack Funny Dinner

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Edna Mode: [to the tired Bob, who is holding Jack-Jack] Done properly, parenting is a heroic act... done properly.

Dashiell 'Dash' Parr: [as Bob helps him with his math] That's... not the way you're supposed to do it, Dad.

[turns his book around]

Dashiell 'Dash' Parr: They want us to do it this...

Bob Parr: I don't KNOW that way, why would they change math? Math is math, math is math!

Dashiell 'Dash' Parr: [as Bob talks over him] I think it's okay, Dad...

Screenslaver: Screenslaver interrupts this program for an important announcement. Don't bother watching the rest. Elastigirl doesn't save the day; she only postpones her defeat. And while she postpones her defeat, you eat chips and watch HER confront problems that you are too lazy to deal with. Superheroes are part of your brainless desire to replace true experience with simulation. You don't talk, you watch talk SHOWS. You don't play games, you watch game SHOWS. Travel, relationships, risk; every meaningful experience must be packaged and delivered to you to watch at a distance so that you can remain ever-sheltered, ever-passive, ever-ravenous consumers who can't bring themselves to rise from their couches, break a sweat, and participate in life. You want superheroes to protect you and make yourselves ever more powerless in the process; while you tell yourself you're being "looked after", that your interests are being served, and your rights are being upheld. So that the system can keep stealing from you, smiling at you all the while. Go ahead, send your supers to stop me. Grab your snacks, watch your screens, and see what happens. You are no longer in control. I am.

[from trailer]

Bob Parr: Suit up! It might get weird.

Lucius Best: I'll be there, ASAP.

Honey: Where are you going ASAP? You better be back ASAP!

Helen Parr: I missed Jack-Jack's FIRST POWER!

Bob Parr: Actually you missed his first SEVENTEEN!

Bob Parr: Hey! You did this, can you UN-do it?

Krushauer: You want me to... UN-crush?

Bob Parr: What, no one's ever asked for that?

Krushauer: No! To un-crush is silly! Why un-crush?

Bob Parr: To get into the engine - oh, forget it. We don't have enough time.

[He takes off running]

Krushauer: What if I tell you to un-punch someone? What you do?

Helen Parr: [to Bob] You know it's crazy, right? To help my family, I gotta leave it to fix the law, I gotta break it.

Bob Parr: You've got to, so our kids can have that choice.

[repeated line]

Bob Parr: Num num, cookie?

Lucius Best: [about Jack-Jack; to tired-out Bob] Looks normal to me. When did this start happening?

Bob Parr: Since Helen got the job.

Lucius Best: I assume she knows.

Bob Parr: Are you kidding? I can't tell her about this, not while she's doing hero work!

Jack-Jack Parr: [sees Helen on the TV] Mama!

Helen Parr: [on television; reused footage of The Incredibles] Girls, come on! Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so!

Jack-Jack Parr: Mama!

[points at the TV]

Bob Parr: [turns off the TV with the remote] I've got to succeed! So she can succeed! So WE can succeed!

Lucius Best: I get it, Bob! I get it! When was the last time you slept?

Bob Parr: Who keeps track of that? Besides, he's a baby. I can handle it, I got this handled.

Lucius Best: So... you're good then? You got everything under control? Right?

[sees Jack-Jack playing with the remote, who then disappears into another dimension]

Lucius Best: WHAT THE - ?

Bob Parr: Cookie! Jack-Jack, want a cookie? Num num, cookie?

[Jack-Jack makes noises from the other dimension]

Bob Parr: Jack-Jack, num num! Num num, cookie! Cookie!

Lucius Best: You're not... ?

Bob Parr: Cookie!

Lucius Best: Oh my gosh!

Bob Parr: Cookie!

[Jack-Jack reappears; Bob gives the cookie to him]

Lucius Best: Whoa, K! Okay, so he can still hear you from...

Bob Parr: ...from the other dimension.

Lucius Best: That is freaky.

[Violet and Dash demand to know why Bob hasn't told Helen about Jack-Jack's powers]

Bob Parr: Because I'm formulating, okay! I'm taking in information! I'm processing! I'm doing the math, I'm fixing the boyfriend, and keeping the baby from turning into a flaming monster! How do I do it? By rolling with the punches, baby! I eat thunder and crap lightening, okay? Because I'm Mr. Incredible! Not "Mr. So-So" or "Mr. Mediocre Guy"! Mr. Incredible!

[Violet and Dash are silent for a moment after Bob's rant]

Violet Parr: We should call Lucius.

Bob Parr: No, I can handle it! There's no way I'm gonna...

[yells]

Bob Parr: [Jack-Jack goes flying through the walls, catapulting himself towards the pool in the backyard, and Bob runs after him to catch him]

Violet Parr: I'm calling Lucius.

Rick Dicker: If you wanna get out of the hole, first you gotta put down the shovel.

Edna Mode: Any solution involving cookies will inevitably result in the demon baby.

[from trailer]

Bob Parr: You have powers! Yeah, baby!

Edna Mode: [Shooing Bob out the door and talking rapid-fire] Of course you can leave the baby overnight. I'm sure filling in for Helen is challenging, and you are very tired, and the other children need you and miss you, and you must go to them. Auntie Edna will take care of everything, so drive safely and goodbye. I enjoy our visits.

Bob Parr: [tired and worn out; to Lucius; about Helen] I've got to succeed! So she can succeed! So WE can succeed!

Lucius Best: I get it, Bob!

[Jack-Jack disappears into thin air with lightning]

Lucius Best: WHAT THE?

[Jack-Jack appears again]

Lucius Best: That is freaky.

Bob Parr: [gives Jack-Jack a cookie] But I can't keep giving him cookies!

Lucius Best: [Jack-Jack transforms into a red goblin-like monsters and lunges at Bob] Whoa! He's freaky!

Bob Parr: [Jack-Jack starts biting Bob] No biting Daddy.

Lucius Best: WHAT?

Edna Mode: He is bright and I am stimulating. We deserve each other.

Guy in car: Marry me Elastigirl!

Radio announcer in Elastigirl's chauffeur driven car: A news report out today shows that when it comes to decision-making, people have more trust in a monkey throwing darts, than Congress.

Bob Parr: [Jack-Jack rages in Edna's room] Combustion imminent? What does that mean?

[Jack-Jack explodes and becomes surrounded by fire]

Edna Mode: It means fire, Robert.

Helen Parr: Who did I put in jail?

Evelyn Deavor: Pizza delivery guy. Seemed the right height, build. He gave you a pretty good fight. I should say I gave you a pretty good fight through him.

Helen Parr: But it doesn't bother you that an innocent man is in jail?

Evelyn Deavor: Eh, he was surly. And the pizza was cold.

Bob Parr: [to Lucius over the phone] Suit up. It might get weird.

Lucius Best: I'll be there ASAP.

[goes to get his super suit]

Honey: Where you goin' ASAP? You better be back ASAP!

Helen Parr: [trying on her new costume] This isn't me! I'm not all dark and angsty. I'm Elastigirl! I'm, you know, flexible. I mean, look at the... the...

Bob Parr: E designed this?

Helen Parr: No. Some guy named Alexander Galbaki.

Bob Parr: [chuckles] Glad it's you and not me, 'cause... you're gonna hear from her.

Edna Mode: The fire retardant is blackberry-lavender, darling. Effective, edible, and delicious.

Reflux: Name's Reflux. Medical condition or super power, you decide.

[an exhausted Bob has asked Edna to temporarily take care of Jack-Jack]

Edna Mode: [outraged] Leave HIM? HERE? I am NOT a *baby person*, Robert! I am not cut out for baby's facilities! I am an *artist*, I don't have time for any of this to...

[Jack-Jack's nose transforms to look like Edna's nose. Edna notices this and is taken aback]

Edna Mode: T-Today...

[Jack-Jack widens his eyes to make them shaped like Edna' s and grows hair that looks exactly like Edna's hairstyle. Edna looks at Jack-Jack's face closely, amazed]

Edna Mode: Fascinating! Are-Are you seeing this Robert?

[the exhausted Bob doesn't respond. Edna rolls her eyes and turns her attention back on Jack-Jack. Jack-Jack sneezes and shoots right up in the air. He free-falls back down. Edna rushes to grab him, but Jack-Jack telekinetically floats three feet from the floor before Edna could catch him. Jack-Jack laughs]

Edna Mode: [floored] Oh... My... God.

[grins broadly, ecstatic]

Edna Mode: YES!

Helen Parr: I counted on you.

Evelyn Deavor: That's why you failed.

Helen Parr: What?

Evelyn Deavor: Why would you count on me? Because I built you a bike? Because my brother knows the words to your theme song? We don't know each other!

Helen Parr: [glares] But you can count on me anyway.

Evelyn Deavor: I'm supposed to, aren't I? Because you have some strange abilities and a shiny costume, the rest of us are supposed to put our lives into your gloved hands. That's what my father believed. When our home was broken into, my mother wanted to hide. Begged my father to use the safe room. But Father insisted they call his superhero friends. He died, pointlessly, stupidly... waiting for heroes to save the day.

Helen Parr: But why would you... your brother...

Evelyn Deavor: Is a child! He remembers the time when we had parents and superheroes. So, like a child, Winston conflates the two: Mommy and Daddy went away because supers went away. Our sweet parents were fools to put their lives in anybody else's hands. Superheroes keep us weak!

Edna Mode: [Bob has driven up to her gate, and her face appears on the screen] Galbaki? Elastigirl's super suit...

[outraged]

Edna Mode: ...is by Galbaki? EXPLAIN YOURSELF!

Voyd: Hello there, little fella.

Dashiell 'Dash' Parr: Hello.

Voyd: You kids aren't safe, Deavor sent us to take you...

Lucius Best: Well, isn't that redundant? But Deavor just sent me here to guard the house... 'cause the kids aren't safe.

Helen Parr: [gleefully, on seeing her new motorcycle] A new Elasticycle!

Bob Parr: "Elasticycle"? I didn't know you had a bike.

Helen Parr: Hey, I had a mohawk. There's a lot about me you don't know.

Bob Parr: Yeah, but... a mohawk?

Helen Parr: Eh, you didn't miss anything.

Bob Parr: I used to know what's right, but I'm not sure anymore. I just... wanna be a good dad.

Violet Parr: You're not good... you're super.

[Bob starts snoring]

Screenslaver: [all of the televisions turn off and show a shot of the Screenslaver] The Screenslaver interrupts this for an important announcement...

[from trailer]

Bob Parr: [to the Underminer] We meet agai...

[gets sucked into the Underminer's vacuum]

News Anchor: [on the television] ... the Incredibile, the super-car once driven by superhero Mr. Incredible.

Car Collector: It's the kind of thing you buy when you have everything else.

Bob Parr: [shocked] They said it was beyond repair.

Car Collector: It was in perfect condition.

Dashiell 'Dash' Parr: You used to drive THAT?

Bob Parr: They said it was destroyed!

News Anchor: Long thought lost or destroyed, the famous car turned up at a private auction.

Bob Parr: They said it was...

[angry]

Bob Parr: THAT'S MY CAR!

Bob Parr: [reading to Jack-Jack; starts to fall asleep] Over Dusseldorf, Doozles are dozing...

[falls asleep, but Jack-Jack wakes him up]

Bob Parr: Close it!

Helen Parr: [to Violet and Dash as the Underminer attacks the city] Watch after Jack-Jack!

Violet Parr: But I thought we were gonna go and...

Bob Parr: You heard your mother!

[to Helen]

Bob Parr: Trampoline me!

[jumps off of the stretched-out Helen]

Helen Parr: [leaves on her motorcycle; to Bob] Bye, sweetie.

Bob Parr: I'll watch the kids, no problem.

Helen Parr: [to Bob over the phone] I couldn't have done this if you hadn't taken over so well.

Winston Deavor: It's time to make some wrong things right! Help me bring supers back into the sunlight. We need to change people's perceptions about superheroes, and Elastigirl is our best play.

Bob Parr: Better than... me?

[Elastigirl clears her throat and gives Mr. Incredible a glare]

[from trailer]

Lucius Best: [Jack-Jack disappears from the room] WHAT THE?

Bob Parr: [waves cookie in the air for Jack-Jack] Num num, cookie!

Lucius Best: Oh my gosh!

Bob Parr: Cookie!

Lucius Best: [Jack-Jack appears and eats the cookie] Whoa, K! That... is freaky.

Helen Parr: [Helen, Bob and Lucius are under Screenslaver/Evelyn's mind control] Years of mandated hiding and silence have made us bitter. You bring us out into the light, only to clean up the messes your lack of discipline creates.

Bob Parr: Your bodies and your character are weak. Your promises are empty and you will pay for it.

Lucius Best: We no longer serve you, we serve only us. May the fittest survive.

Evelyn Deavor: [Jack Jack enters the control room where the mind-controlled Helen, Bob, and Lucius are in; Evelyn is watching this via tv screens in her office] Wha- a baby?

Violet Parr,Dashiell 'Dash' Parr: [entering room via elevator, having followed Jack Jack] Mom? Dad? Lucius?

[Helen, Bob and Lucius attack the kids, but Violet projects a force field. Jack Jack telekinetically floats out of the force field]

Evelyn Deavor: A super baby?

[the mind-controlled Helen grabs Jack Jack and holds him out in front of her]

Jack-Jack Parr: [Jack-Jack babbles happily, then notices that his mother's eyes are concealed by the glasses she wearing and is not noticing him. Jack-Jack scowls and starts to telekinetically remove the goggles]

Helen Parr: [Elastigirl blinks, coming back from her hypnotized state; gasps] Huh!

Evelyn Deavor: [shocked] What? No! No! Put him down! No! Put him down!

[Jack Jack completely takes the goggles off his mother, Helen and telekinetically throws them on the floor]

Helen Parr: Kids?

Voyd: Hello there, little fella.

Dashiell 'Dash' Parr: Hello...

Voyd: You kids aren't safe, the Deavors sent us to take you...

Lucius Best: Well, isn't that redundant? The Deavors just sent me here to guard the house. Cause the kids, aren't safe. I get it, managerial screw-up, tell Winston I have this, you understand Miss...?

Voyd: Voyd.

Lucius Best: Miss. Voyd... Drive Safely.

Voyd: The thing is, he wants us to bring you too.

Lucius Best: Hey...

Lucius Best: That isn't gonna hold them long, Dash grab the baby.

Screenslaver: The Screenslaver interrupts this program for an important announcement. Don't bother watching the rest. Elastigirl doesn't save the day; she only postpones her defeat. And while she postpones her defeat, you eat chips and watch her invert problems that you are too lazy to deal with. Superheroes are part of a brainless desire to replace true experience with simulation. You don't talk, you watch talk shows. You don't play games, you watch game shows. Travel, relationships, risk; every meaningful experience must be packaged and delivered to you to watch at a distance so that you can remain ever-sheltered, ever-passive, ever-ravenous consumers who can't free themselves to rise from their couches, break a sweat, never anticipate new life. You want superheroes to protect you, and make yourselves ever more powerless in the process. Well, you tell yourselves you're being "looked after". That you're inches from being served and your rights are being upheld. So that the system can keep stealing from you, smiling at you all the while. Go ahead, send your supers to stop me. Grab your snacks, watch your screens, and see what happens. You are no longer in control. I am.

Violet Parr: [the Parr family sits down at the dinner table; Dash reaches for food] Did you wash your hands?

[Dash uses his superhuman speed to run and wash his hands]

Violet Parr: With soap?

[Dash runs back and uses soap]

Violet Parr: Did you dry them?

[Dash shakes his hands off and reaches for the food, eating it]

Dashiell 'Dash' Parr: [Helen puts his Chinese food in front of him; he looks in it] What? Is this ALL vegetables? Who ordered all vegetables?

Helen Parr: I did.

[puts the food on his plate]

Violet Parr: So, are we going to talk about it?

Bob Parr: What?

Violet Parr: The elephant in the room.

Bob Parr: What elephant?

Violet Parr: Mom's new job.

Winston Deavor: Help me bring supers back into the sunlight. We need Elastigirl!

Dashiell 'Dash' Parr: [enters the house Winston is letting them live in with Bob, Helen, Violet, and Jack-Jack] Whoa! I LIKE Mom's new job!

Lucius Best: [to Bob and Helen; gives Bob a card] I was approached by this tycoon. Wants to talk... about hero stuff.

[Bob smiles]

Violet Parr: Tony, this is my mum.

Helen Parr: Pleased to meet you.

Violet Parr: This is my dad.

Bob Parr: Oh, we've met.

Violet Parr: And this, is embarrassing, my little brother Dash, and the baby is Jack-Jack. I tried to limit it to ONE parent.

Helen Parr: We're all going to a movie too Tony, don't mind us.

Bob Parr: We'll be sitting on the other side of the theater. Not watching you!

Tony Rydinger: I feel kind of bad about it. Maybe I should have said "Hi" or something? It's not her fault superheroes are illegal. And it's not like I don't like strong girls. I'm pretty secure, manhood-wise.

Helen Parr: [Sees Jack-Jack in action for the first time] What the, Jack-Jack has POWERS?

Bob Parr: We already know! Fight now, talk later!

Bob Parr: I can't stear it or stop it, and the Underminer's escaped.

Helen Parr: We'll have to stop it... BOB! The monorail!

Bob Parr: [as Violet is blow-drying her hair getting ready for a date] Hey Vi, I want you back here by 10:30.

Violet Parr: 11-ish?

Bob Parr: 10-ish heading for 9:30-ish...

Violet Parr: [defeatedly] 10:30-ish it is...

[sighs]

Evelyn Deavor: Welcome aboard, Elastigirl. Although we haven't yet reached our cruising altitude. Feel free to roam about the cabin! Or just relax and let the cabin roam about you!

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3606756/quotes/qt3918799

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